I've learned that it's easy to get stuck in life. It's easy to get stuck in a routine that is unbreakable -- one that makes life seem like a chore, where the light at the end of the tunnel is ju a black light and just illuminates all of the dust particles on my clothes. Showing all of the grains, like imperfections. All I can do while walking down this tunnel is dust myself off and keep walking, very fast at times... either when I'm running from something or just trying to get another difficult day of walking over with. Then I trip -- there are many times where I trip -- and then I fall. When I finally get up, I've lost my sense of direction and don't know if I'm headed the same way I was going, or the exact opposite. Aimless, hopeful, discourages, tired, frustrated... bored.
This is where I was.
Not the most terrible picture in the world, but at this point... I can't paint one darker and scarier. That is how Sweden has affected me so far, I suppose. Things have been so great here, that I'm forgetting (at least temporarily) about some of the problems or troubles I had before. Don't get me wrong... my month here hasn't been completely cookies and candy all the time, but the hard times have been bearable. There are times when I miss people at home, or miss the comfort of mom's cooking or the crappy food and shitty service on the ave in Seattle. Having a warm bowl of pho and a free cream puff to go with it... having to drink crappy Tully's coffee because there's no other coffee on campus. Actually, no. I don't miss that. But, I do miss my guitar and my conga drums. I wish I had my guitar here, so I wouldn't have to buy one. I'm seriously considering buying one while I'm here, but we'll see. I also miss all of the people at my church i Kenmore. I miss the songs we sung every sunday, the sermons, the time we spent together at church and outside of church (even if there weren't that many occasions). I miss going to Cafe Koinonia for yogurt, or Swedish Club meeting there... and yogurt. I miss getting a ride to church on sunday mornings by Choi 집사님 and him always asking if the Huskies lost again. I always had to say yes. I almost miss walking to the Husky Stadium for rehearsals too, but not quite. I'd rather not have to walk. But yeah, not being able to be home for my brother's 10th birthday was a little bit painful, but it felt sooo good to hear his voice so excited when I called him on the morning of his birthday. He had some friends over and my sister, Yeon Sue, cooked them dinner. A dish that I taught my family called Akoko sy Voanio which is coconut chicken stew from Madagascar. I felt a little better then because I felt like I at least had a little something to do with my little bro's birthday. I remember my 10th birthday and I just hope that he had as good a time as I remember having.
Yes, there have been a few times where I've felt a little down and shed a few tears, but tears are just tears and they just help me to realize that I am human... not a rock or a machine like some people think I am. Sometimes I do function like a rock or a machine though. You know, like... you can build a house on me, or I'll punch your timecards for you, or print essays out of my butt. Jag skämtar bara. But really...
Right. So what have I learned? I've learned that Asians like to use this emoticon: ^^
I've never used this, but I think I should try sometime. Or I could get fancy and make my own version like: |#^o^#|
Ha. Okay. Next.
I've also learned how to make kimchi, and today... I learned how to bake bread from scratch. (Swiss bread, called Zopf.) It was awesome, my friend Bernardo came over and helped me whip it together before Swedish class. Now that I think about it, it was an Italian and a Korean-American baking Swiss bread in Sweden while listening to African influences jazz music. That's pretty international, I think.
I've learned that I really do like music. I like playing the drums (but not rock music). I like singing, but I get light headed when I sing too much. I like red peppers and carrots. I like to cook food that is easy to prepare and eat, but I will spend a lot of time cooking if I have time or if I'm not wildly hungry when I start cooking.
I've learned that I've forgotten a lot of Swedish grammar, which is frustrating because I have Swedish class now... but I'll be fine once I refresh a bit. I've also learned that I like simplicity. For example, it was very refreshing coming here with only two bags of stuff. Also, I don't have a microwave. Well, I guess the not having a microwave thing is anti-simplicity, but it makes me feel more organic. Yes, it makes me feel like I'm made of carbon. Precis.
I've learned many people's names swapped lots of contact information. I've learned about many different cultures in meeting people and learned bits and pieces of other languages. I've found people here that have the same interests as me. Other Asians that study Swedish!! They really do exist!!
I've learned that I sort of expect a lot from people. Not in terms of recieving material gifts, but in terms of keeping promises and appointments, letting me know if plans change before they happen, being honest, being consistent in a relationship with me... meaning, if you have a long conversation with me one night, I sort of expect you to remember me (my name, maybe?) and act like you've met me before. (I've had some problems with this with some Finnish people I met, but maybe I'm just misinterpreting their actions or their. Yeah, I think that's it. I didn't take "Ways of Meaning" for nothing.) I also like when people are loyal, (not like a dog) but I also like them to challenge me and ask "why" because it makes me have to think about why I said something. I actually don't like this, but I know it's good for me so I can learn to articulate myself better aloud. So, is this too much to ask/expect of/from people? I don't know.
Let's see... what else have I learned about myself? I like dressing up relatively nice everyday. You know, like nice jeans or slacks, boots or nice tennis shoes, a nice t-shirt or collared shirt or sweater with a scarf and a peacoat over it. And, gloves and a hat are essentials here. Wearing something like this is normal for everyday around here. This, or even fancier. Seeing as I like to wear cute blazers sometimes, I feel like I fit in here -- sort of. I still like lounging around in PJs though.
Oh, another thing. I don't like taking pictures if it makes me look like a tourist, or if it makes people feel uncomfortable, or if I have to stop people from doing something so I can take a picture. I just feel like living too much through a camera will take me out of the moment. Thoughts like these stem from a reading I did senior year of highschool. (Loss of the Creature, by Walker Percy) If you know me, you know that I hate reading, but this is an excellent read. Also, I feel like I have enough friends that like to take pictures that share them on Facebook anyway. I guess the only thing is that I have to trust that they can take high quality pictures. Oh, I've also learned that it's true that well... it's true that all the Japanese people I have met and befriended like to take pictures. Not kidding. ^^
Yes, so now the world. What have I learned about the world? I've learned that there are so many different ways of thinking. So many different ways to organize things. So many different kinds of messes and problems, so many different kinds of bread, so many different things to see, and the obligatory line som följer: so many different things do.
I've been out doing all of the things that people should do in their lives, like learning other languages, learning about other people's lives and beliefs, learning how much my own heritage means to me, going on adventures to places i've never been, doing people favors, and sharing the knowledge that I have... among other things that I've mentioned here in this blog. Shopping and hanging out with friends is also fun. :)
Yes, so I hope I've articulated myself in a way that has painted a pretty little word picture in your mind. Or, maybe I can just give you one or two pictures to congratulate you for reading my post. Okej. Until next time.
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